Testimony

It's not your problem

 

I have gone to church since I was in my Mom's womb. And Everywhere including church I was pretty nice, and a exemplary student. In school, I studies well, got along with my friends. In church, I was never absent. and I gathered more Talent('Talent' is kind of money that could only use in the Sunday school. and If children do well, they were given 'talent' by their teacher. Every Korean Sunday school hold 'talent market' that could only use "talent" regularly) than anyone else did in Sunday school. I never made an mistake, and was always complimented. I so loved that life, above jesus. I kept going to church religiously but never knew who jesus really was and what his life and death is meant to me. So when I was middle school student, I could not stand what happened in my life. It went like this: I went to church every week and to every event, retreat. So everyone who knew me(church crew, school friends, pastors even Parents!) treated me as a holy, spiritual person. But what happened deep inside of my heart everyday was an absolutely evil things.(lustful, pride, anger, jealous, thirst for complements.) I felt like a hypocrite. My conscience tortured me, so what I decide in my life finally was just give up jesus. So I could not had desire, hope, expectation to Jesus. But He never let me go.

When I was 17. I attended a retreat called 'Good-News School' there, first time in my life, I started to actually listen to Good-News and made it as my story! That was awesome. First, Word about Sin was preached. Sin, No hope, Death, Despair, I have realize that all of these words were mine. No longer abstract. That was Who I AM! In the deepest depression, jesus' cross and God's love, his grace begun to feel real. Grace became Grace to me. These was not just boring words, but My Life! Above all I could know What it means and believe: Gal 2:20. I died with jesus when he died on the cross and I live with jesus when he rose again by Faith!

Forth day of the retreat(not exactly) God called me as a missionary, but I could not answer to him! because I thought I was thoroughly improper, so I have said in my mind "Person like me..... I cannot..!" But that very moment, God gave me an enlightenment. "It's not your problem! It's not up to your talent, but me. I'll do everything and you'll see." This is too clear to me and I was sure it's god's calling. So I give my life as a missionary to him.

After retreat, everything was change. Before that, my life had had no goal. But after that, my life had apparent destination: Missionary, ultimately God's Glory! This is staggering change in my life so instantly I had to question myself as a high school student first time of my life. "Why Do I have to Study?" If I couldn't answer this question, I had been ready to quit my school. I agonized hotly. And finally I decided to theological seminary to know God and Bible more.

Now my calling is this: Person who say Amen, Whenever, to Wherever he calls. I believe Chongshin is where he calls. In here I am learning how to love God and my neighbors. Yes I am too fragile and weak yet. But over my weakness, I trust him because my life is his and he'll do, I'll definitely see.